Take Care of Yourself
by TheHatchet27
Summary: Toji Suzuhara, pilot of Evangelion Unit-03, what was going through his mind on the day of his activation test? What were his thoughts up to the bitter end? Nobody can answer those questions but him.


_**Yay an Evangelion fic! By the way I am a HUGE Evangelion fan, and one point I felt that the manga excelled greatly over the anime, was the unit-03 activation test with Toji as the test pilot. The way it was built up in the manga as opposed to the anime just made it even more depressing when the whole world came crashing down on poor Shinji. So if you haven't yet read the manga for Evangelion, I suggest you purchase it immediately! And without further ado, let's begin.**_

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**Take Care of Yourself**

Mountains.

Sweeping valleys and majestic mountains jutting up into the early morning sky.

It was hard to believe the majority of the time that this broken world could still be so beautiful and calm. So peaceful and calm.

This world had been through a lot, and Second Impact had certainly taken it's toll, on the world and it's inhabitants. So much had been lost: cities wiped off the map, species rendered extinct, families torn apart, and a way of life turned to history. To what end?

I sighed and continued to watch the landscape pass by through the rear window of the Nerv helicopter. I never thought I would be riding in one of these again, especially after what happened last time.

Memories of that day flashed through my mind; the fleet of UN ships moving through the ocean beneath us. Kensuke with his camera, having the time of his life. My less than pleasant meeting with the Second Child, Asuka Langley Soryu. And of course, the Angel.

Angels, what exactly are they?

I sit here even now, as an Evangelion pilot on my way to Matsushiro, and yet I know nothing more about the Angels than I did that day I climbed into Shinji's entry plug.

Shinji… How could he find the strength within himself to continue to fight after everything that he's been through? After what I put him through…

My mind wandered back to the day we first met and despite how much has changed since then, I still feel regret for that day. There was no way I could have know what he had gone through, but that's no excuse for my actions. He risked his life to protect me, to protect all of us, and the only thanks that I gave him was a black eye. No amount of apologies can make up for what I've done.

How could I have been so insensitive?

Even so, when the news hit me I had no one else to turn to but him. I invited him over for dinner to try and talk it over, but I could never find the courage. As he was leaving my house, I felt my resolve break, I couldn't keep up the façade anymore, I was at the mercy of my emotions, of my fear.

"I'm scared… I'm so scared Shinji." I sobbed as I feel to my knees in front of him, grasping at his arms. "Just look at me, I'm shaking. I-I can't stop shaking…"

"Hey it's okay." He got down on one knee at laid a hand on my shoulder. "It isn't any big deal. Sure it's scary at first, but you get used to it quick. Yeah we have to fight, but we have everyone at Nerv backing us up all the way. And you're actually safer in the Eva. You'll be fine, you can do it. I mean if I can do it-"

"Sorry…" I hung my head in shame. "I'm so sorry… I… I didn't even know how you felt… and I hit you like I understood anything…"

That evening I slumped there and cried in front of him. Only then did I truly understand what Shinji had experienced, what he felt like he had to do at the behest of everyone else. He should not have to bear the burden alone…

I snapped back to reality when I head the whine of the engines as they slowed and halted. The door opened and the sunlight rushed in, making me squint. One of the men motioned for me to follow him. Stepping out of the helicopter, I fell into line.

I was walked along this pathway to a door where a woman with blonde hair wearing a white lab coat stood going through what I could imagine was a checklist on her clipboard.

"Dr. Akagi." The man spoke. "This is the fourth child, one Toji Suzuhara from Tokyo-3."

The woman, although she didn't look pleased, took a break from her clipboard to look me over and dismiss the suited man. "Pleased to meet you Toji Suzuhara." She spoke with an unchanging expression. "I'm Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, head of Project-E technology division, section one. I'll be supervising you're activation test today."

"Hello ma'am, It's a pleasure to meet you." I replied politely.

She turned and grabbed a small package from an adjacent table and handed it to me.

"Here is your plugsuit. Please proceed to the decontamination room ahead and change into this suit. Your activation test will be in 45 minutes, I wish you the best of luck."

And with that she returned to her clipboard. She seemed like she meant well, but was kind of half-hearted about it, I though as I walked down the hallway. I can't really blame her though, seeing how this operation is run I'm probably lucky that she took the time to speak with me at all.

Making it to and through the decontamination process wasn't exactly pleasant. By the end I didn't really feel clean, more like sterile. It could take a while to get used to this, I shivered and walked through the locker room.

I tore open the package that contained the plugsuit and looked it over. These things really don't leave much to the imagination do they? I guess I should really appreciate the fact that I'm not being forced into a women's one like Shinji was that day on the UN aircraft carrier.

I allowed myself a small chuckle at that memory. Guess I shouldn't waste anymore time though, I thought as I removed my clothes and eased myself into the suit.

I heard the soft release of air as the plugsuit tightened around my body, which was another strange feeling that would take some getting used to.

I then sat for a while on a bench, leaning up against the wall, and thought.

Okay Toji, this is it, you're doing this for someone you love, for your sister, to help her get better. And once she does get better, you'll take her to see all kinds of things, and take her to see Shinji, the person who saved her life, the one who really deserves recognition for all he's done. For everything he's done to protect what he cares for.

For what he cares for… For what he loves… For what I love. My sister, my father, the class rep… Hikari. When I get back to Tokyo-3, the first thing I'll do is let her know how much I care for her. I promised her that I would have lunch with her when I got back, and I'll tell her how I feel, how fragile our world is, and how I'll do everything I can to protect it, to protect her, to protect everything.

I felt my resolve strengthen, I smiled and heard over the intercom, "Toji Suzuhara, pilot of Evangelion Unit-03 report to the loading dock immediately."

I stepped into the elevator at the far end of the room, and began my ascent. Passing through all the levels of the base, I was overwhelmed, Kensuke would be having a field day with all this. I gave a little chuckle at the thought.

The elevator rose out of the main building and into the warmth of the morning air, and I saw it.

Braced against the wall of the facility, Evangelion Unit-03. Jet black, it stood out from the morning sky, as if casting a shadow over my entire being. It looked so… human, so much like myself, it was terrifying.

Now, I know just about as much about the Evas as I do about the Angels, but what are they? And how come they're the only things able to defeat the angels? There's something more to them than me, Shinji, or anyone else knows, that's a certainty. Nerv is hiding something about the Evangelions, but what exactly…

The elevator reached the apex of it's ascent and came to a halt. The doors opened with a creak and I took my first steps into the Great Beyond, into the life that was now laid out before me.

I climbed into the entry plug, and took a seat in the cockpit. I heard the sound of the plug being locked in place, and the interface cycled through stages of colours until I saw the outside world through the eyes of an Evangelion.

It's strange, sitting in the Eva, I wasn't as scared as I thought I would be. Sure I'd been in one before, but this time it was different, like I was somewhere I felt safe. Somewhere I felt at home. It was like a feeling from long ago, one I can't quite describe in any way other than… the feeling of my mother.

Sounds form the command centre came over the intercom, mostly talk that I didn't understand even after reading the briefing package that I was sent. The only thing I really got form the whole of it was to try my best to remain calm and clear my mind of any distractions.

We were doing after all was an activation test after all. Just turn it on, check the readings and we're done, nothing to worry about.

I took a deep breath and exhaled as I relaxed into my seat, the sounds from the bridge still echoing around me.

_Commence stage one._

_Initiating first connection._

_LCL ionization charge is normal._

_Graph readout is nominal. Phase one contact complete._

_Initiating phase two_.

The sounds of the technicians faded into the background as I closed my eyes and concentrated on my goal. What I was here for. Who I was here for.

_LCL pressure ionization is normal, beginning secondary nerve uplink._

_Harmonics are reading standard._

I was here for my sister who was in the hospital. I was here for my father, Kensuke and Hikari, I was here to keep Tokyo-3 safe.

_Approaching absolute borderline._

And I was here for Shinji, who was stronger than I could ever hope to be.

BANG!

The sound echoed through the interior of the entry plug; it continued and it grew louder.

Something seems strange… It feels wrong, like there's another presence in here other than myself…

_High energy readings coming from within the Eva!_

I heard the frantic voices of the technicians reappear over the intercom, but they were being drowned out, they were fading away.

_Abort the test! Disconnect the power source immediately!_

The world began to swim before my eyes, and it felt like I was being drawn in, towards something warm and nostalgic. Mother?

Wait, no. It's not my mother, it's-

_An angel! Force eject the entr-_

The communications cut to static and the cockpit of the entry plug began to shake violently. The LCL bubbled around me, and visions, things I had seen and things I had not seen flashed before me.

I understand now! The angels, the Evas, what it all means! what it is we're fighting, and what we're fighting with!

Mother…

My vision began to blur and everything faded to red.

I wish we had more time…

Father, mother, sister, Asuka, Kensuke, Hikari… Shinji… I'm sorry…

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_**Man did this take a while to write... The idea just kind of popped into my mind late one night, so I started on it, but kind of lost sight of what I thought it was going to be about half way through. I jotted down some VERY rough guidelines for it, and when I came back to finish it, about a month later... It still took many more hours to put together. For such a short story it sure did put up a good fight! I'm glad I stuck with it and toughed it out to the end though, I'm pleased with how it turned out. So leave a review if you think so as well. Well, leave a review even if you don't, but hopefully you do.**_

**_As it turns out, I've got a few more Eva stories bouncing around in my head, so be certain that they will be coming. I make no promises as to when, but they will show themselves eventually. And as for those of you following New Recruits - New Horizons, I've got the next few chapters all laid out, just need to finalize them, so I thank you all for your patience. _**


End file.
